She’s a wildflower.

Hi everyone. I just wanted to say how incredibly amazing it feels to have people actually like my blog and request I update it more often. It means more to me than you know. Thank you! xoxo

Now let’s do dis!

About two months ago I decided to quit my full-time job because frankly, it just wasn’t right for me. Oh, and I have been battling a monster flare-up of my chronic illness for the past six months…so that’s kinda rough sometimes. Just sayin’! ;)

I was living off of money I had saved from my past jobs but car insurance, co-pays, prescriptions and gas money quickly ate away at my fund. I applied for Disability in April, but as many of you know it is quite a lengthy process. My case will take about 60-120 days to be decided. More than half of cases are denied the first time and I’m not expecting mine will be any different. My health and overall strength are both unpredictable so I was feeling apprehensive about getting a part-time job. Especially because I knew I’d be starting chemotherapy within the next few months so my future is impossible to plan at this point. With my bank account quickly shrinking, my worries and anxiety started to build.

Life started to blur into a continuous cycle. I spent my days waking up early only to swallow my morning cocktail of pills, then drive off to various medical appointments. I’d usually return home by the early afternoon hours, ingest more pills then retreat to my room for the night. I focused my remaining energy on searching the Internet for any proof that there is hope of a normal life with Lupus. I was barely interacting with the outside world, and spending the majority of my days alone was beginning to really take its toll on me.

A common side effect of my daily steroid regimen is increased energy. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking “Wow Kam! That’s just what you need since you’re always whining about how dang tired you are!” Sigh. If only my life could be that easy. Prednisone is wonderful for my joint pain and appetite, but causes me major sleep disturbance. The main problem being I wasn’t getting any! Along with my sleep deprived mood swings, the steroids also caused constant feelings of restlessness, uneasiness and anxiety. I had no healthy way of relieving all of this nervous energy inside of me so I was becoming increasingly unstable.  My stupid, self-destructive way of masking all of this was abusing over the counter sleep aids. I was becoming a hot mess yet again. Luckily, fate had other plans for me.

My great aunt is the owner of a flower shop that’s been in business for over seventy years. Many would describe her as “rough around the edges” or a “my way or the highway” kinda broad. That’s something I like about her though. She may come off harshly to some, but to me she has a heart of gold. And in fact, her middle name is Love. As an 81 year old, retired doctor who values education highly, she only hires “good looking college kids” to help ensure their future success. She is fully aware of my recent life crises and also my inexperience in the plant business, but still kindly offered me hours at her shop. I know little to nothing about plants so I was counting on my charm and big smile to get me by until I gained a basic understanding. My secret mission every shift was to get my great aunt to crack a smile and it actually turned out to be easier than I thought! We compliment each other quite nicely I think. At first, the information and demands thrown at me were overwhelming but I quickly caught on. My job duties are simple and range from trimming flowers, to pricing to sweeping. I am given endless tedious, repetitive tasks but I love losing myself in them and having a purpose. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that running around the shop worked off my jittery energy!  I immediately gained a new sense of security, strength and stability both physically and mentally. You’d think just being surrounded by loads of beautiful flowers would be therapeutic enough for me, but the social interactions I’ve encountered there have also been healing. ***See “The Story of my Angel” page and you’ll read why. Dealing with the customers made me cognizant again of why people genuinely like me, and why I should like myself.

I’m back to passionately snapping photographs, which has always been a true love of mine. Check out my “The Flower Shop” page with lots of photos I’ve taken recently!

At this very moment, I am content and enjoying my life and that’s all I can ask for.

4 thoughts on “She’s a wildflower.

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